She had the child-like innocence in her eyes. Most of the time, she kept looking directly into my eyes. I blushed every time when our eyes met. She was saying something. I didn’t focus on what she was saying as I only heard the rhythm of her soft and calm voice. Of course, she was not singing. I neither noticed the noise of few thousand people present in that exhibition center. No I am not a deaf.
Her every word resembled falling drops of the autumn rain. I shrugged with the chill. I am sure, she didn’t notice me. She was too busy explaining something. I admit, I don’t know how to swim. Yet still, I was floating in the waves of the Baltic Sea nearby. She stopped suddenly. I don’t know why. Maybe she was waiting a reply from me or something. Predictably, I was confused. I just smiled her back. Then, she seemed more confused. ‘Whatever’, she said plainly and sipped her soup. I dragged myself lazily to the sea shore.
+2 degrees centigrade is warm for a typical winter night in Tallinn. The cool breeze and the steady rain made it a bit more romantic. I say it was ‘romantic’ because of my experience from all those Bollywood movies which I have watched throughout my life. It indeed turned out to be a romantic night as I predicted.
We walked together the whole night through the narrow clumsy streets in the Old Town, through the wide streets in the city center and through the rough trails leading to the harbor. Once a while she held my hands tighter, dragged me near and smiled heartedly. Other times, there was the awkward silence and distance between us. She jumped. She laughed. She sang. She ran for the shelter against the rain. I followed her every time and everywhere. After all, I was a tourist there. I had no other options. I didn’t want any.
The dinner was not as impressive as she was.
I wished that I was lost in that city with her. The time was flying faster. I tried to keep the track of it because I had to return back to Finland the same morning. She loathed me every time when I tried to check the time. I was completely blank when I realized that I had only few minutes left to be with her.
I was too nervous. A rare case when I am with a beautiful girl. I kissed her cheeks with my dry trembling lips. She hugged me tightly. I checked the time. She gripped me more tightly. Nobody had hugged me so tightly before; every other routine thoughts got crushed within. Both of us were numb, but the emotions were boiling. At one point; I even thought of not returning back to Finland, quitting my studies, job and everything and then marrying her and settling in Tallinn itself. I wondered what she was thinking exactly at that point.
We met 16 hours before as complete strangers and then we departed again as strangers but with heavy hearts. At least, mine was heavy.
Sometimes, I still feel her around me. Sometimes, I think she needs me. Sometimes, I think I am stupid.
Sometimes, she thinks I am around her. Sometimes, she thinks she needs me. Sometimes, she thinks she is stupid.
She likes me and she hates me. I like her and I cannot love her.
She says that she is a crazy girl. I think she is a little less crazy than I am.
to be continued………………