the not so new year

10887493_582794491852461_7240508751360838063_odear you it has been quite a while right man the year changed of course this not a big deal for you i have seen your hours changing into days days into weeks weeks into years and years into almost decade without you even noticing it i still remember last time when you were so excited to be seventeen years old you were then nine years old studying in second grade you used to count the years when you would pass slc you would then be seventeen the feeling gave you chills even then funny old memory do you remember it it feels like yesterday and look at you now you are twenty eight and you have not felt anything like that about your age you lost count of your age but there are many other things people and places that do remind you constantly that you are getting old and have lived almost half of your life if you are lucky that is of course you dismiss them completely time is infinite right dividing the earths and moons rotations around the sun in certain mathematical ways should not and does not limit you at least these creepy seconds minutes hours days months and years are just other means to fuel the capitalism and restrict you potential you are aware of that however let us use the same human year anyway just to put the things into perspective for the sake of other fellow humans we should not be disrespectful so then last year you discovered many things yes i am going to evaluate your previous year and seek resolutions for this year i know you must be wondering dude isnt it almost three weeks late for this new year new me shit i know i know i too know very well how was the response of one of your friends when you asked her about her resolutions for this year exactly do people still make resolutions but see this is an opportunity a reason for a certain hiatus reflection into yourself a way of catharsis or rather let me put this way this is like a religious ritual that one should perform to practice gratitude forgiveness for oneself and also to focus on what is important and like everyone you know very well how far and wide our mind and body can go of course this does not mean you have to loathe or over praise yourself for past years doings or even put yourself into the pressure of completing those new resolutions word by word which most people like you do not even dare to start so please tell that good friend of yours about benefits of reflection catharsis and focus rather than the materiality technicalities and results of the resolutions ok shall we start then so let us start with time anyway as i briefly said earlier that last human year you discovered that there is no start and end to time you are as infinite as time you used to constantly think for last few years that all the things in the world are same more or less star dusts and you also thought that there are no such things called living and non living things in the world what they used to teach you in second grade was all wrong because now you know all of us everything known and unknown does not come into the universe or being but comes out of the universe so you were there before you had consciousness and this human form and you will be there after the human form is decayed you are as infinite as universe as old as universe now you finally know why you feel such an ecstasy when you gaze at stars in the night you simply are looking at yourself similarly many different mythologies across different cultures say that the dead people become stars now you know they are right you discovered philosophy how amazing especially to have conversations with camus sartre nietzsche kierkegaard finally you picked up again reading habits the amazing bus ride to akshargunj with gibran and nagarkoti you still wonder why what how professor snape did those things and what will harry do now you discovered new friends and inspirations both in flesh and blood and in the form of words and songs and realized you are not alone how reassuring you started the year blaming your closed ones all the bad things happened to you made them cry over exaggerated the situations loathed them just to realize towards the end of the year that there was nothing bad going with you all the choices were your only and they had been always supporting you you cried a lot i let you cry that is how it should be you are not ashamed any more of being weak and accepting your and their realities and craziness on the other side you said you will not open yourself to others but again after three minutes with you anyone could tell your history geography and psychology poor you how weak you are how desperate you are so lets try to correct that all over again this year okay accept that you are alone but not lonely you can let your emotions flow in many other ways than putting a tearful face in front of the stranger who will not even pretend listening to you we will fix this this year no worries finally the best discovery of this year about your ying and yang i vividly remember how speechless you were in that sauna that tuesday evening when a naked nineteen year old finnish sami man from north pole asked you if you will be happy when you live in patagonia alone now you can tell him proudly yes you will be very happy as you know your ying firante jose and yang avi dhoti you know you can never be happy if you shut down one for other midway is the key my friend you know it very well what it means to you remember that you are grateful to shiveku eternally wow what a discovery the year has already started very high i see you could not have asked for anything better a little more sweat a little less clicks and browsing and little more smell of pages and paper flicks a little more of hugs and many more of silence and nature and early mornings late evenings rains and grass everything should be fine btw nearly forgot wtf dude how can you explain you got yourself an instagram account what next twitter snapchat tinder you retard dont you realize you will make yourself more desperate and miserable wasnt facebook too much already for you please substitute these for more real moral ethical and logical things say no to instant gratification fuck this instagram thing really ruined all my mood fuck you

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